March 2008
Can We Please Rid the World of DMX?
I didn't think this was legit when I first read it, but I found the link to XXL Magazine's website, and sure enough, DMX is a bigger piece of shit than I had thought all these years...
XXL: Are you following the presidential race?
DMX: Not at all.
XXL: You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
DMX: His name is Barack?!
XXL: Barack Obama, yeah.
DMX: Barack?!
XXL: Barack.
DMX: What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?
XXL: Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
DMX: Barack Obama?
XXL: Yeah.
DMX: What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.
XXL: You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
DMX: I ain’t really paying much attention.
XXL: I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
DMX: Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.
Via Aziz is Bored
Five Years Gone - Slate's Fred Kaplan →
Imagine it’s early 2003, and President George W. Bush presents the following case for invading Iraq: We’re about to go to war against Saddam Hussein. Victory on the battlefield will be swift and fairly clean. But then 100,000 U.S. troops will have to occupy Iraq for about 10 years. On average, nearly 1,000 of them will be killed and another 10,000 injured in each of the first 5 years....
Join or Die
Among the many Emmy Awards HBO’s John Adams miniseries is sure to win (for reasons justifiable, and others that aren’t so much) let me be the first to nominate Tom Wilkinson as Benjamin Franklin as “the biggest badass ever.” I thought HBO was officially dead after last week’s end to The Wire, but it looks like the former champ will hang around for the next five...
How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight?
Something I’ve been curious about every day of my life is how many 5-year-olds I can bring down before they swarm me in a dramatic final scene. Well, my prayers have been answered as one website has provided this info for me. All I had to do was answer a few simple questions, and I now know that I can take 26 blood-thirsty 5-year-olds before finally reaching my demise. I lost points due to...
Shroud of Turin Accidentally Washed With Red Shirt
As is custom, on the third Sunday of the month, the priceless relic—which is kept in the royal chapel of the Cathedral of Saint John the Baptist in Turin, Italy—was taken from its hermetically sealed, bulletproof glass case and stuffed into the Blessed Papal Laundry Sack, and it was then transported by a retinue of Swiss Guards to Vatican City without incident. According to Lajolo, the damage...
Accelerate Global Warming
I bought into Al Gore’s whole spiel on carbon emissions, but seriously, it’s not moving fast enough! It’s March and I can’t travel to a destination south of the Mason-Dixon Line because there’s a foot of snow on the ground down there. The problem is that it’s too cold. I’m encouraging everyone to get two cans of hairspray and just let those CFCs fly. Damn...
Monster? That's all you've got?
A senior foreign policy advisor for Obama resigned over remarks specified here in the U.K. publication The Scotsman. “We f***** up in Ohio,” she admitted. “In Ohio, they are obsessed and Hillary is going to town on it, because she knows Ohio’s the only place they can win. “She is a monster, too – that is off the record – she is stooping to anything,” Ms Power...
Dukie watching Dexter?
On Sunday’s The Wire, Michael (a hired killer) just took out his mentor Snoop (another hired killer) to save his own life. When he stormed into the house to tell Duquan and Bug the three of them have to leave, Dukie says “this shit’s crazy, there’s a show about a serial killer who kills other serial killers.” Clearly he was referring to Dexter, so I have a couple...
Map of Registered Sex Offenders →
Something I’ve always wanted to look at, but have never given time to is a map of registered sex offenders. I’m more amused than a healthy person should be, but I’m just so impressed by how thorough this watchdog site’s information is. They know everything about these creeps. And for a town of roughly 13,000, there are way too many fucking multi-colored dots in my city of...
Fail Dogs →
shows that physical humor can be funny, only with canines. Via Andrew Sullivan
SWPL #79: Modern Furniture
Referring to a white person’s expensive chair as a ‘chair’ is considered poor form and will likely result in a loss of trust and/or respect. The best strategy for avoiding this faux pas is to look for the most uncomfortable chair in a white person’s home and ask “who designed that?” If they say “Ikea” or “Design within Reach” you can call it a chair, otherwise refer to it only by the name they...
The "I'm Feeling Lucky" of online music -... →
OH SNAP, FREE MUSIC… I feel like something like this should be illegal, but since its practicality is only marginal, it probably can’t do much harm.
This evening's bad news for Pats fans
A day after cornerback Asante Samuel signed a blockbuster deal with the Philadelphia Eagles, another major component to New England’s ALMOST-perfect season has jetted. #2 receiver Donte’ Stallworth has agreed to a seven-year deal with the Cleveland Browns. Patriots, you do know that it’s customary to dress between 53 and 55 players when the season begins? Granted, the AFC East is...
Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion-Clinic...
“It was horrible,” said injured clinic nurse Jessica Combs, recovering at a local hospital with bullet wounds to the leg and abdomen. “He put his hands over Dr. Woodring’s head and told him He forgave him for his sins, and then He shot him right in the face.” Huntsville police officials are not certain how the Messiah was able to bypass clinic guards and proceed...
